


Hargreeves Madness

by JjdoggieS



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ben Hargreeves being a sarcastic little shit, Bossy Allison, Canon Universe, Diego Is A Bit Of Dick, Drunk Five, Five Is Like Always MIA, Klaus Hargreeves being a sarcastic little shit, Meek Vanya, Mom Allison, Multi, Texting, at first at least, canon AU, more tags will be added, somewhat canon divergence, texting au, they are all idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2020-10-10 05:26:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 6,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20522672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JjdoggieS/pseuds/JjdoggieS
Summary: Allison gets everyone phones so they can actually talk to each other. Somethings go as planned but most things don't.





	1. New Phones

(Allison Hargreeves created “Hargreeves Group Chat”)

(Allison Hargreeves added Luther Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves, Five Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves, and Vanya Hargreeves)

Five: what the hell is this

Allison: It’s a group chat

Diego: Why?

Allison: So we can talk to each other

Klaus: and we cant do that face 2 face

Luther: KLAUS

Klaus: what

Luther: BE SERIOUS

Five: what’s wrong with your keyboard

Luther: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

Ben: you’re typing all caps

Luther: BEN

Ben: yo

Luther: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

Diego: You have caps lock on you idiot

Luther: WHAT’S CAPS LOCK

Allison: The arrow on the keyboard

Luther: Oh

Luther: Thanks

Five: Where’s V?

Vanya: hey

Diego: Who cares

Five: Shut up Diego

Five: Hey V

Vanya: hi five

Klaus: vanya darling how are ya

Vanya: hi klaus

Vanya: i’m a little busy rn

Vanya: talk later

Five: I’m out too

Klaus: peace motherfuckers

Diego: Klaus

Ben: i’ll take care of him

Diego: Out

Allison: I think it’s just you and me Luther

Luther: Yeah

Allison: Want to talk in the kitchen?

Luther: Sure


	2. New Chat

(Klaus Hargreeves created “The Even Boys”)

(Klaus Hargreeves added Diego Hargreeves and Ben Hargreeves to the chat)

Klaus: hey

Klaus: we the best bois

Diego: Klaus, what is this?

Klaus: we the best bois who dont need no stinkin odds

Diego: Ben?

Ben: he wanted to make a chat without luther, allison, five, or vanya

Diego: Oh

Diego: Good

Diego: They suck anyway

Klaus: no diego no

Diego: Klaus I’m this fucking close to hitting you

Klaus: i can’t see what you’re talking about

Ben: klaus no

Klaus: d?

Klaus: diego

Klaus: d

Klaus: diego

Klaus: whered he go

Ben: klaus behind you

Klaus: how could you do that to me

Klaus: my own brothers

Ben: what’d i do?

Klaus: you let him hurt me

Ben: what was i supposed to do

Ben: i’m a ghost

Klaus: right

Diego: You’re both idiots


	3. Wait, What?!

(Klaus Hargreeves renamed “Hargreeves Group Chat” to “wazzupp”)

Klaus: wazzup losers

Klaus: jk

Vanya: klaus?

Klaus: what up v

Vanya: whatcha doin’?

Klaus: chillaxin baby

Ben: klaus chill

Vanya: ok

Klaus: im chillaxin benny

Klaus: i just said that tf

(Allison Hargreeves renamed “wazzupp” to “Hargreeves Group Chat”)

Klaus: boooooooo

Allison: Klaus

Klaus: yes allie cat

Allison: Klaus be serious

Allison: Please

Klaus: well since you said please

Klaus: ill be serious for the rest of the day

Diego: Thank Christ

Ben: be nice

Luther: Are we just going to ignore that fact that Ben can somehow text?

Five: Why would that be weird?

Luther: Because he’s dad

Ben: take it back

Luther: *dead

Klaus: thats rude

Ben: how could you say that?

Luther: But it’s true

Five: Ben is a ghost

Luther: Okay?

Five: Shut up. Let me explain

Five: Ben is a ghost

Five: Klaus can manifest ghosts

Five: Klaus manifests Ben enough for him type

Five: K?

Luther: Oh

Klaus: howd you know that

Five: Anyone with more than three brain cells can figure that out

Ben: you right

Five: Of course I’m right

Five: Who do you think I am? Luther?

Luther: Hey

Diego: Haha

Klaus: my work here is done

Diego: What work?

Allison: Klaus?

Five: What the hell is going on?

Ben: nothing

Luther: Ben, what’s Klaus up to?

Ben: nothing

Five: V you know what Klaus is up to?

Vanya: nothing

Vanya: we’re chillin’ at my place

Klaus: shh were watchin a movie

Vanya: gtg

Five: I’m coming over

Klaus: noo

Vanya: ok

Ben: everybody shut up


	4. Screw You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luther fucks up

(Luther Hargreeves created “Apocalypse”)

(Luther Hargreeves added Diego Hargreeves, Allison Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves, Five Hargreeves, and Ben Hargreeves to the chat)

Luther: We need to talk about the apocalypse

Allison: What apocalypse?

Luther: The apocalypse dad prepared us for

Diego: Here we go

Luther: And the one Five keeps talking about

Five: Don’t drag me into this

Klaus: do i have to be here?

Luther: Yes Klaus

Luther: Can everyone focus?

Diego: No

Klaus: nope

Allison: Maybe

Ben: negative

Five: Where’s V?

Klaus: lulu

Klaus: dear five asked you a question

Ben: are you gonna answer luther?

Diego: Why does it matter?

Luther: It’s not important

Allison: Luther

Klaus: thats rude

Ben: so rude luther

Luther: What’s rude?

Klaus: dude

Ben: you don’t even know what you did

Diego: Would you two knock this off?

Luther: What did I do?

Klaus: no

Allison: Is Five still here?

Ben: never

Five: No

(Five Hargreeves has left the chat “Apocalypse”)

Luther: What was that about?

Klaus: ooohhhh, hes mad at you

Ben: you’re screwed lulu

Luther: Why am I screwed?

Luther: Why aren’t you guys telling me what I did?

Klaus: how did five leave the chat?

Ben: i’ll help you

Luther: No, you guys need to stay in the chat

Luther: And I need to add Five back

(Ben Hargreeves removed Klaus Hargreeves from the chat “Apocalypse”)

Luther: Ben no

Ben: ben yes

(Ben Hargreeves has left the chat “Apocalypse”)

Luther: Stop leaving

Diego: No

Luther: Diego

Diego: Luther

Luther: Knock it off

Allison: Guys stop it

Diego: No

(Diego Hargreeves has left the chat “Apocalypse”)

Luther: Allison, what did I do?

Allison: Well

Luther: What Allison?

Allison: I don’t know exactly what upset Five

Allison: But it was probably that you didn’t include V

Luther: What could she do to stop the apocalypse?

Allison: Or that you were insulting V

Luther: Why does that matter?

Allison: You know V is Five’s fav

Luther: Okay

Luther: But what about Klaus and Ben?

Allison: IDK

Allison: it was just Klaus and Ben being Klaus and Ben I guess

Luther: And what upset Diego this time?

Allison: IDK that either Luther

Luther: What should I do to get everyone back on track?

Allison: Just talk about the apocalypse stuff in the main chat

Luther: Why?

Allison: Then V is included so Five won’t be upset

Allison: Klaus and Ben will still screw around, but not as much

Allison: Not much we can do about Diego

Allison: I’m going to leave this chat

Luther: Okay?

Allison: Then you delete this chat

Luther: Okay

(Allison Hargreeves has left the chat “Apocalypse”)

(Luther Hargreeves has deleted the chat “Apocalypse”)


	5. Idiots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is becoming a more crack-ish fic but I do have a plan

(Five Hargreeves renamed “Hargreeves Group Chat” to “Dumbasses”)

Klaus: what did we do now

Ben: five?

Vanya: five?

Five: You’re all idiots

Klaus: well duh

Vanya: what did we do?

Five: V you didn’t do anything

Vanya: :)

Allison: What did the rest of us do?

Diego: That Vanya didn’t?

Five: Luther knows what he did

Luther: Hey

Five: Diego is too busy fighting with anything that moves

Diego: Five

Five: Allison hasn’t done anything

Allison: What?

Five: That’s the issue

Klaus: buuurrrrnnnnn

Five: Klaus and Ben are just idiots

Klaus: RUDE

Ben: how?

Diego: ?

Klaus: could?

Vanya: what are you guys doing?

Five: They’re idiots

Ben: you?

Five: Like I said

Klaus: say?

Allison: Five you started this

Allison: Fix it

Ben: that?

Five: How about no?

Ben: unacceptable

Klaus: not allowed

Five: You’re both idiots

Klaus: off-topic

Ben: shoot

Luther: What is happening?

Allison: Klaus, Ben, what are you guys doing?

Klaus: whens the funeral?

Ben: shoot

Vanya: it’s today Klaus

Luther: It’s in an hour, in the courtyard

Luther: Attendance is required

Klaus: booooo

Ben: are you mocking me?

Vanya: guys stop it

Klaus: no never benjamin

Klaus: how could you say that benny?

Klaus: and never van

Ben: STOP CALLING ME THAT

Five: I’m done

Diego: Me too

Klaus: benjamin or benny

Luther: What do you mean you’re done?

Klaus: i hope its benjamin

Allison: Luther let it go

Ben: STOP CALLING ME BENNY

Klaus: NEVER BENNY

Luther: Fine

Vanya: why do you call Ben Benny anyway Klaus?

Klaus: well….

Ben: DON’T YOU SAY IT

Allison: Oh yeah

(Allison Hargreeves renamed “Dumbasses” to “HFGC”)

Allison: There

Vanya: oh nevermind then

Klaus: don’t let benny boy scare ya off van

Ben: klaus dont

Vanya: Allison, what does hfgc mean?

Allison: Hargreeves Family Group Chat

Vanya: oh okay

Vanya: thanks

Five: V let it go

Allison: np gtg

Vanya: okay

Klaus: ill tell you later van

Ben: don’t

Vanya: okay :)


	6. Everyone's Late

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is super short but I'm hoping to get another chapter this weekend to make up for it.

Luther - Where are you guys?

Allison - With Vanya

Vanya - ^

Five - Coffee

Diego - None of your business

Allison - Why?

Klaus - dumpster

Ben - ^

Luther - We’re supposed to be starting Dad’s funeral

Allison - Oops

Allison - Be right there

Vanya - ^

Ben - ^^

Diego - Fine

Klaus - ^^^^

Vanya - Five?

Five - Yes?

Vanya - are you coming?

Five - Yes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there are any things/events you guys want me to try adding let me know.


	7. 1 And 2 Are Idiots

(Allison Hargreeves created “Real Talk”)

(Allison Hargreeves added Vanya Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves, and Ben Hargreeves to the chat)

Klaus - whats up allycat?

Allison - Why are Diego and Luther such idiots?

Klaus - i dont think science can answer that one

Ben - what he said

Vanya - idk

Allison - You guys are no help

Vanya - sorry

Klaus - i didnt come here to be insulted

Ben - Klaus you didn’t go anywhere

Klaus - shut up ben

Allison - Guys

Ben - don’t tell me to shut up dumpster boy

Allison - Guys focus

Vanya - dumpster boy?

Klaus -TAKE THAT BACK

Allison - Not helping V

Vanya - sorry

Ben - no

Klaus - ben yes

Ben - Ben no

Allison - Guys stop it

Vanya - seriously guys

Klaus - sorry

Ben - sorry a and v

Klaus - really?

Ben - yes really

Allison - Seriously guys knock it off

Vanya - what were we talking about again?

Klaus - how our brothers are morons

Ben - aw Klaus, don’t call yourself a moron

Klaus - HOW DARE YOU

Allison - Nope

(Allison Hargreeves kicked Klaus Hargreeves and Ben Hargreeves from the chat)

Allison - There

Vanya - you wanna come to my place and talk?

Allison - Sure!

Vanya - ok, see you soon

Allison - See you soon


	8. Five?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five is at Griddy's getting some damn coffee, but his siblings don't need to know that.
> 
> Klaus and Ben can barely go more than five minutes without starting something, most of the time with each other.
> 
> Allison continues trying to keep the nearly nonexistent peace between the siblings.

Klaus - does anyone know where 5 is

Ben - i thought you were watching him

Allison - Guys

Klaus - youre with me dumbass

Ben - don’t call me dumbass, dumbass

Diego - This shit again?

Klaus - you are a dumbass

Five - You’re both dunbasses

Ben - klaus did you call diego a dumbass?

Klaus - no that was for you dumbass

Allison - Stop calling each other dumbass

Klaus - he started it

Ben - liar

Vanya - Five where are you?

Klaus - drop dead

Five - I’m busy

Ben - low blow

Allison - Maybe you two should take a break from each other

Klaus - little five just got back

Five - Don’t call me little

Klaus - why should they take a break from each other

Allison - What?

Klaus - thats kind of mean allie cat

Klaus - he just got back

Diego - Who’re you talking about Klaus?

Klaus - 5 and V

Ben - allison meant you and i dumbass

Diego - Stop calling each other dumbass

Diego - You’re both dumbasses

Luther - What’s going on?

Allison - Klaus and Ben are fighting I think

Klaus - i thought 5 and V were fighting

Five - No

Five - You’re all useless

Ben - hey

Five - I’m done

(Five Hargreeves has left “HFGC”)

(Allison Hargreeves added Five Hargreeves to the chat)

Allison - No leaving Five

Five - Fine

Diego - What are you doing anyway?

Klaus - and where did you go?

Five - Got to go

Klaus - five

Klaus - five

Klaus - fffiiiiiiivvvvvvvvvvveeeeeee

Klaus - hes gone 

Diego - No shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the slow updates, I'm trying to make a timeline of events before I write too much so everything stays in order. And hopefully, it will help me write these chapters faster.


	9. Vanya's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five decides to tell Vanya about the apocalypse.

(Direct Message Five Hargreeves -> Vanya Hargreeves)

Five - Are you at your apartment?

Vanya - almost

Vanya - why?

Five - I want to talk to you

Vanya - about?

Five - Better in person 

Five - Let me know when you get there

Vanya - okay

Five - Are you there yet?

Vanya - almost

Vanya - if you want to meet me there we can do that

Five - Okay

Five - See you there

Vanya - see you


	10. Omnitech

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five needs help, and hopefully finds it in Klaus. (and apparently Ben)

(Direct Message Five Hargreeves -> Klaus Hargreeves)

Five - I need your help

Klaus - really?

Klaus - moi?

Five - Forget it

Klaus - wait

Klaus - wait

Klaus - wait

Klaus - what do you need help with?

Five - I need you to come with me to a prosthetics facility

Klaus - a what?

Five - An office building

Klaus - oh okay

Klaus - what am i going to be doing exactly?

Five - I need you to pretend to be my guardian so I can get information

Klaus - okay cool

Klaus - now will i be getting paid for this or…

Five - Klaus

Klaus - yes?

Five - Will you help me or not?

Klaus - yes yes coming

Klaus - where are we going exactly?

Klaus - and can ben come?

Five - Just stay at the house, I’ll meet you there

Five - Why would Ben want to come?

Klaus - he gets lonely

Five - Yeah sure, whatever

Five - Just stay there, I’ll be there in a second


	11. Five You Asshole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Klaus wants to know where Five went after Omnitech

(Direct Message Klaus Hargreeves -> Five Hargreeves)

Klaus - five

Klaus - five

Klaus - five

Klaus - five where did you gooo

Klaus - five

Klaus - fiiiivvvveeee

Klaus - five you ass where did you goooo

Klaus - five

Klaus - five

Klaus - five answer meee

Klaus - five you asshole answer meee

Klaus - go to hell five

Klaus - sorry that was rude

Klaus - answer me asshole

Five - What the fuck Klaus?

Five - I’m fucking busy

Klaus - geez sorry

Klaus - watcha doin

Five - Nope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY 2020 EVERYONE!!!!!!!


	12. Stay Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> {Eudora enters the chat}
> 
> Eudora tries to get Diego to stay away from her crime scenes.

(Direct Message Eudora Patch -> Diego Hargreeves)

Eudora - Diego stay away from my crime scenes

Diego - What do you mean Dora?

Eudora - You know what I mean Diego

Diego - I’m just trying to help you

Eudora - I don’t need your help Diego

Diego - I didn’t say you needed my help Dora

Diego - I’m just trying to help you

Eudora - This is the last warning I’m giving you

Eudora - Stay away from my crime scenes

Diego - How did you get this number?

Eudora - Diego

Diego - No no no

Diego - How did you get this number?

Eudora - I have my ways

Diego - Mhm

Eudora - Shut up

Eudora - I’m warning you Diego

Eudora - Don’t mess with my crime scenes or I’ll have you arrested

Diego - Seriously?

Eudora - Seriously

Diego - Fine whatever

Eudora - I’m serious Diego

Diego - Yeah yeah, got it


	13. Important

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allison finds something she needs to show Luther

(Direct Message Allison Hargreeves -> Luther Hargreeves)

Allison - Luther

Luther - What’s up?

Allison - I need to show you something

Luther - What is it?

Allison - It’s too hard to explain

Allison - Just meet me upstairs

Luther - Okay

Luther - On my way


	14. Is Grace Malfunctioning?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allison and Luther try to have a conversation with their siblings about their mother; it goes about as expected.

Luther - We need to have a meeting

Klaus - why?

Diego - No

Ben - what about?

Allison - We found something about Mom

Vanya - what are you talking about?

Five - Is this relevant to the apocalypse?

Luther - Yes

Diego - Probably not

Five - I’ve got shit to do morons

Luther - Diego be serious

Allison - Here we go again

Diego - I am

Klaus - ooohhhhh

Ben - drama

Klaus - wheres the popcorn?

Diego - You always make things out nothing

Luther - I do not

Diego - You’re just trying to make this into a mission

Luther - No I’m not

Allison - Diego this is important

Diego - Well the rest of us don’t even know what this is Allison

Ben - what are you guys talking about anyway?

Klaus - yeah allie cat. what are you guys talking about?

Diego - What’s so important?

Allison - We found footage of Mom possibly killing Dad

Diego - Bullshit

Luther - Diego

Klaus - d, watch your language

Allison - We’re serious

Diego - There’s no way Mom killed Dad

Diego - And Klaus what the hell?

Klaus - benny boy and van van’s virgin ears dont need to hear such foul language

Ben - i’m around you all the time dipshit

Diego - What the hell Klaus?

Vanya - ?

Allison - Why do you care about Diego’s ‘language’ and not Five’s?

Klaus - you try telling that gremlin no

Ben - don’t call him a gremlin Klaus

Klaus - dumpster boy

Ben - you’re a dumpster boy dumbass

Allison - Guys focus

Klaus - language benny boy

Ben - fuck off

Klaus - ben

Luther - Guys

Klaus - no

Ben - ben yes

Klaus - ben no

Diego - Focus dipshits

Klaus - diego!

Diego - Luther wants to complain about being on the moon again

Luther - No I don’t

Diego - Yes you do dumbass

Allison - Guys we don’t have time for this

Luther - No I don’t Diego, shut up

Diego - Make me monkey man

Klaus - hahahahahahahahaha

Allison - Seriously guys knock it off

Klaus - monkey man

Klaus - thats a good one d

Allison - Klaus

Klaus - allison

Allison - That includes you

Klaus - :(

Allison - Everyone just come to the house so you guys can see it. And we can talk this out like adults

Klaus - ‘like adults’

Klaus - good one allie

Allison - Klaus

Klaus - right

Klaus - sorry

Ben - i’ll get him there allison

Allison - Thank you Ben

Allison - Diego? Vanya?

Diego - Yeah yeah

Diego - Someone has to stop you morons from doing stupid shit all the time

Allison - Vanya?

Vanya - yeah sorry

Vanya - i’ll be there soon

Allison - Great

Klaus - what about 5?

Klaus - shouldnt he have to be there?

Allison - You try telling him to come

Klaus - touche allie cat

Klaus - touche


	15. He Gone

Allison - Is everyone okay?

Ben - guys

Diego - Fine

Vanya - yes

Ben - guys

Luther - I’m fine

Diego - Where the hell is Five?

Ben - guys

Allison - IDK

Allison - Why?

Diego - Those freaks were looking for him

Ben - GUYS

Vanya - ?

Luther - What’s up Ben?

Ben - klaus is gone

Vanya - what do you mean klaus is gone? 

Vanya - where did he go?

Allison - He probably left when those freaks showed up

Ben - no that’s not what happened

Diego - You should have done that too V

Vanya - and why’s that?

Ben - guys please

Allison - Diego don’t

Diego - Because you are a liability

(Vanya Hargreeves has left the chat “HFGC”)

Allison - What the hell Diego?

Ben - guys

Allison - One second Ben, please

Diego - Shut up Allison

Diego - We’re all thinking it

Allison - No we are not all thinking it Diego

Ben - guys

Diego - Not now Ben

Allison - Why are you such an asshole Diego?

Diego - I’m not

Diego - Maybe it’s just because we don’t fit in your perfect little narrative

Ben - guys

Allison - Shut up Diego

Diego - Whatever I have other shit to do

Ben - guys

Allison - What Ben?

Ben - those guys took klaus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slowly starting to move away from some TV Canon.
> 
> Please let me know what you guys think so far!


	16. Klaus?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben gets Klaus his needed rescue, but not without Hargreeves Arguing

Diego - What the hell do you mean they took Klaus?

Diego - And why didn’t you say anything?

Ben - i did

Luther - Pretty sure you didn’t

Ben - well i tried to 

Allison - Luther, welcome back

Luther - Thanks I guess

Ben - guys?

Diego - Ugh liked it better before

Allison - Shut up Diego

Ben - guys

Diego - Make me Allison

Allison - Try me Diego

Luther - Diego stop it

Ben - guys

Ben - where’s five when you need him?

Diego - Old feelings die hard huh number 1?

Luther - That has nothing to do with you Diego

Allison - Shut up Diego

Ben - guys focus

Diego - What’s the matter number 3?

Luther - Don’t Diego

Five - you’re all idiots

Allison - Watch it Diego

Diego - Why? Got another relationship to ruin?

Diego - Sorry, meant rumor

(Luther Hargreeves kicked Diego Hargreeves from the chat)

(Ben Hargreeves added Diego Hargreeves to “HFGC”)

Luther - Ben?

Diego - Fuck you Luther

Ben - FOCUS

Allison - What?

Ben - Klaus?

Ben - our brother?

Luther - What about him?

Ben - he’s fucking kidnapped

Diego - Where?

Five - where?

Ben - some motel

Ben - ill go check

Ben - Luna Motor Lodge Motel

Diego - On my way

Five - k

Luther - Shouldn’t we go get him as a team?

Allison - Yeah

Diego - News flash Number One

Diego - We aren’t a team

Diego - Not anymore

Allison - That’s uncalled for Diego

Diego - And you said he just ditched us when those freaks showed up Allison

Diego - So don’t start trying to be the good sibling


	17. Klaus, Where Did You Go?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Diego shows up to the motel, but where's Klaus?

(Direct Message Diego Hargreeves -> Klaus Hargreeves)

Diego - Klaus?

Diego - Klaus

Diego - KLAUS

Diego - Where did you go?

Diego - Klaus?

Diego - Klaus

Diego - Klaus?

Diego - Are you still at the motel?

Diego - Klaus

Diego - Klaus I’m here

Diego - Klaus

Diego - Klaus what the hell?

Diego - Where did you go?

Diego - KLAUS

Diego - Whatever

Diego - Just let me know where you are when you see this


	18. Umm, Guys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allison found Mom, Klaus and Ben are MIA, Five is fucking wasted, and Diego can't know.

(Allison Hargreeves created “Don’t Tell 2”)

(Allison Hargreeves added Luther Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves, Five Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves, and Vanya Hargreeves to the chat)

Allison - Guys

Five - What?

Five - I’m fucking busy

(Five Hargreeves has left the chat)

(Allison Hargreeves added Five Hargreeves to the chat)

Allison - DON’T LEAVE FIVE

Five - Okay mom

Luther - What’s up Allison?

Allison - There’s something wrong with mom

Luther - What do you mean?

Vanya - ?

Allison - She won’t turn on

Five - fasfbewkswls

Luther - What does that mean?

Vanya - ?

Allison - Is that to me or Five?

Luther - You

Vanya - five

Vanya - what the fuck was that

Five - shut up mom

Five - youre not m y real mom

Vanya - ?

Five - nnotn you 

Five - fthkw talks ing to one and thrsd

Allison - Anyway

Allison - I think those freaks did this to mom

Luther - No way

Allison - Her arm is all messed up

Vanya - does d know?

Allison - No Vanya

Allison - Read the chat name

Vanya - sorry

Five - shutik upo allimson

Allison - What do we do about mom?

Five - donte tell tewo

Five - obivndously

Luther - Um

Luther - We could see if Pogo could fix her

Allison - Yeah

Allison - Let’s do that

Allison - Luther and I will see if Pogo can fix mom

Vanya - what do i do?

Five - nothdsng

Allison - Five and Vanya try to keep Diego away from the house

Vanya - k

Five - finoe

Vanya - wheres klaus and ben?

Five - idk

Allison - Klaus and Ben should be with Diego

Allison - No idea why they aren’t responding

Luther - If they see these later they can help Five and Vanya

Allison - Klaus and Ben, keep Diego away from the house


	19. V, Where Are You? 5 Wants You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five is fucking pissed drunk and can't find Vanya. (Minor Fiveya)

(Direct Message Five Hargreeves -> Vanya Hargreeves)

Five - V

Five - Van

Five - V

Five - V

Five - Van

Five - Vanya

Five - Vanya whegere arwee yoiiu?

Five - Van

Vanya - what 5?

Five - Whuier arewe youi

Vanya - at a friends

Vanya - why?

Five - I wanjted top taslkm toi yuou

Vanya - why are you typing weird?

Five - Imm not typing woeirasd

Five - Youdr toypiong weiorsd

Vanya - anyway

Vanya - whats up?

Five - I misds yoiu

Vanya - 5 where are you rn?

Five - rn?

Vanya - right now

Five - im ayt yoiur houise

Vanya - ok

Vanya - stay there

Vanya - someone will be there in about eight minutes

Five - whuy?

Five - ios it youi?

Vanya - no 5

Vanya - not me

Vanya - D’s coming to get you

Five - nnoonnonoo

Five - dioegpo stionks

Vanya - ?

Five - dioego

Vanya - Diego?

Five - yeds

Five - stionks

Vanya - sucks?

Five - no

Vanya - stinks?

Five - YIES

Vanya - haha

Vanya - fr be nice 5

Five - fr?

Vanya - nothing

Vanya - is d there yet?

Five - ojh

Five - yeash

Five - wirth hukm noiw

Vanya - ok

Vanya - see you later 5

Vanya - be safe

Five - kk

Five - byue V


	20. We Need To Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allison tries to warn Vanya about Leonard, but she can only do so much over text.

(Direct Message Allison Hargreeves -> Vanya Hargreeves)

Allison - Vanya

Allison - Vanya

Allison - Vanya I need to talk to you

Vanya - ?

Allison - What were you doing?

Vanya - working

Vanya - i do have a job

Allison - Right

Allison - Anyway

Allison - I want to talk to you about Leonard

Vanya - what about him?

Allison - Well I stopped by your place a little bit ago to talk to you

Vanya - why?

Allison - To spend time with you

Allison - Be a better sister and all

Vanya - what does this have to do with leonard?

Allison - When I was at your place he was like in it

Vanya - what do you mean he was in my apartment?

Allison - He was like walking around

Allison - He said he was returning your keys

Vanya - my keys?

Allison - He said you left him at his place last night

Vanya - well if thats what he said he was doing thats what he was doing

Vanya - just let it go allison

Allison - You don’t find it weird he was in your apartment?

Allison - When you weren't there?

Vanya - allison

Vanya - let

Vanya - it

Vanya - go

Allison - Just please be careful with Leonard

Vanya - why?

Allison - I just know that when things seem perfect

Allison - They’re usually anything but

Vanya - k

Vanya - is that all?

Allison - Are you even listening to me?

Vanya - yes i am allison

Vanya - im just busy

Allison - With Leonard?

Vanya - none of your business

Allison - Rude

Vanya - whatever

Vanya - talk later

Allison - K


	21. Diego?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Klaus is back from Vietnam. And he needs Diego.

(Direct Message Klaus Hargreeves -> Diego Hargreeves)

Klaus - d

Klaus - diego

Klaus - diego

Diego - What?

Klaus - can you come pick me up

Diego - Where are you?

Klaus - bus stop

Diego - Which bus stop?

Klaus - idk

Diego - Ask Ben where you are

Klaus - bens not here

Diego - What do you mean?

Klaus - idk where he is

Diego - Ok

Diego - Do you see any street signs?

Klaus - yes

Diego - What do they say?

Klaus - one of them says park

Diego - What does the other one say?

Klaus - main

Diego - Ok

Diego - Stay there

Diego - I’ll be there in 5

Klaus - k


	22. Medication? I Don’t Know Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanya seems to have misplaced her medication, while Leonard's plan takes another step.

(Direct Message Vanya Hargreeves -> Leonard Peabody)

Vanya - hey

Leonard - Hi

Leonard - What’s up?

Vanya - i have a quick question

Vanya - did i leave my meds at your place?

Leonard - I haven’t seen them

Vanya - i’ve been looking for them everywhere at my apartment

Leonard - Maybe you ran out of them

Vanya - maybe

Vanya - i’ve just taken them since i was a kid

Vanya - so it’s weird without them

Leonard - How have you felt without them?

Vanya - better actually

Leonard - Maybe you should stop taking them then

Leonard - Just for a little while

Vanya - yeah maybe you’re right

Vanya - i have to go

Vanya - got practice

Leonard - Ok

Leonard - Good luck

Leonard - Dinner later?

Vanya - sure


	23. What Do You Mean He’s Gone?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 5 gone. Klaus back. Ben back. Where's Vanya?

Ben - does anyone know where five is?

Allison - Or Vanya?

Luther - Ben where’ve you been?

Ben - i was here but klaus disappeared and i couldnt find him

Ben - or tell you guys

Luther - Well where was he?

Ben - well for a while he was at the motel

Ben - but after that idk

Ben - why dont you ask him?

Klaus - nam

Allison - ?

Klaus - nam

Klaus - and dave

Luther - Who’s Dave?

Diego - He was in Vietnam

Diego - 1968

Ben - wasnt that during the vietnam war?

Klaus - yeah

Allison - Are you okay?

Klaus - yeah

Diego - Bullshit

Klaus - enough

Ben - well talk later k

Klaus - yeah

Allison - Wait D

Diego - ?

Allison - How’d you know that

Diego - Because Klaus told me

Luther - Oh yeah

Luther - 5 is gone

Ben - what?

Allison - What do you mean he’s gone?

Diego - Where did that little shit go?

Klaus - ?

Luther - He met some people from this place he called The Commission

Diego - Names?

Luther - Hazel and Cha-Cha

Ben - WHAT

Allison - What’s wrong?

Ben - THOSE ARE THE BASTARDS THAT TORTURED KLAUS

Diego - WHAT

Ben - AND YOU JUST LET 5 GO WITH THEM?

Luther - How was I supposed to know?

Diego - THEY TORTURED KLAUS?

Ben - yes

Diego - WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY ANYTHING?

Ben - I COULDNT

Ben - IF I COULD HAVE I WOULD HAVE

Allison - GUYS FOCUS

Klaus - stop screaming jesus

Ben - sorry

Allison - What are we doing about 5?

Diego - What can we do?

Luther - He said they were some timeline control thing

Luther - idk

Ben - well why did 5 go with them?

Luther - Something about stopping the apocalypse

Diego - I swear if you’d listen half as much as you talk we’d have so much more info

Allison - Apocalypse?

Diego - What apocalypse?

Klaus - fun

Ben - what happened?

Diego - What did 5 say?

Luther - We all died

Klaus - what?

Ben - again?

Luther - Not you Ben

Luther - Klaus, Allison, Diego, and I

Allison - What about V?

Luther - idk

Luther - He didn’t say anything about her

Allison - Well how do we stop it?

Luther - Together


	24. Shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allison tries to get some help from Five after Vanya storms out of the family meeting she wasn't invited to. But where the hell is Five?

(Direct Message Allison Hargreeves -> Five Hargreeves)

Allison - Hey 5

Allison - I need your help with something

Five - ?

Allison - Could you talk to V?

Five - What did you do?

Allison - It wasn’t just me

Five - Ok

Five - What did you idiots do?

Allison - It was just a misunderstanding

Allison - We were having a meeting w/o her

Five - We?

Allison - Luther, Diego, me, and Klaus

Five - Meeting w/o me, Ben, and V?

Allison - I think Ben was there

Five - K

Five - What do you want me to do?

Allison - Talk to V

Five - Why?

Allison - She won’t answer me

Five - K

Allison - Where are you?

Five - Nowhere

Allison - ?

Five - Nowhere of your concern

Five - She won’t answer

Allison - Fuck

Five - What did you do?

Allison - I already told you

Five - Well what happened?

Five - Spell it out

Allison - Well Luther called an emergency family meeting

Allison - Should I do it in bits or just one paragraph?

Five - Just do one

Allison - Well apparently Luther heard from you that we all died in the apocalypse and how he thought it connected back to dad sending him to the moon. And when we were talking Vanya walked in with Leonard and got upset that we hadn't invited her. She said that she thought dad was the reason she was always separated from us but since we didn’t invite her we were the assholes for not including her. And I tried to tell her I’d talk to her later but she said to not bother. And I said that it wasn’t fair how she was reacting and then she said it wasn’t fair being my sister. Whatever that means. Then she stormed off with Leonard and none of us have heard from her since

Five - Who’s Leonard?

Allison - Her friend

Allison - Boyfriend

Allison - idk

Five - Just give her sometime to cool off

Five - But make sure she knows you genuinely care about her

Five - And want her to be happy

Allison - Ok

Allison - Thanks Five

Allison - When are you getting back?

Five - Give me a few minutes

Allison - ?

Five - I’ll be there in a few minutes


	25. Who The Hell Is Harold Jenkins?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five, Allison, and Diego scope out some dude named Harold Jenkins's house. While Klaus, Ben, and Luther stay at the mansion. And where the hell is Vanya?

Five - Guys

Five - I know who causes the apocalypse

Luther - Who?

Five - Some guy named Harold Jenkins

Allison - Who the hell is Harold Jenkins?

Klaus - who the hell names their kid harold?

Diego - We were named numbers Klaus

Klaus - you right

Five - I’m finding this dudes house

Five - Who’s coming?

Diego - Me

Luther - Why are you going to his house?

Allison - I’ll come Five

Five - To either look for clues, find something about the guy

Klaus - i’m good 5

Ben - i’ll stay w/ Klaus

Five - Ok

Luther - Or?

Five - Or I’ll kill him

Five - If he’s there

Luther - Five!

Five - What?

Luther - You can’t just kill this guy

Five - It’s to save the world Luther

Five - What don’t you understand?

Five - I’m leaving so whoever’s coming let's go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Please let me know what you think!
> 
> The next chapter will be up next Saturday! (4/18)
> 
> If you'd like to help me out, please fill this out -> https://forms.gle/L7eAkrSKBcQqeBHG9 <- It would be much appreciated but please don't feel obligated to do so. Thank you!


	26. What The Fuck Luther? Part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where it begins to divert from canon a bit, just a heads up.

Ben - we have a problem

Allison - What now?

Ben - Luther is piss drunk

Diego - Really?

Ben - yea

Five - What do you want us to do about it?

Ben - well nothing right now

Ben - Klaus is trying to calm him down

Allison - What happened?

Ben - oh right

Ben - he found all of his information from the moon under the floor

Allison - K?

Ben - it was all unopened

Ben - dad didn’t read any of it

Allison - Shit

Allison - Shit

Ben - ?

Ben - why 2?

Allison - One sec

Allison - Is he okay?

Ben - Luther or Klaus?

Allison - Luther

Five - Some of us are busy looking through this guys house Allison

Ben - he seems fine

Allison - Shut up Five

Ben - fuck

Allison - ?

Ben - Luther started crying

Ben - he wants to be like Klaus

Allison - What does that even mean?

Ben - FUCK

Diego - ?

Ben - Luther just threw Klaus

Diego - WHAT

Allison - Why?

Ben - Klaus tried talking him out of doing really stupid shit and Luther didn’t like it

Diego - I’m gonna kill him

Allison - No

Diego - You can’t stop me

Five - You’re all idiots

Ben - hey

Five - Not you Ben, everyone else

Ben - :)

Klaus - i’m fine by the way

Klaus - A did you find something?

Allison - How’d you know?

Klaus - you said shit twice earlier

Klaus - so what did you find?

Allison - V’s phone

Allison - That must be why she’s not responding

Five - Why didn’t you say anything?

Diego - Why would it be at Harold Jenkins’s house?

Diego - I thought you said she was dating that Leonard guy

Klaus - what if its the same guy!

Five - Don’t be stupid

Five - Wait

Five - Maybe you’re right

Klaus - i am?

Klaus - holy shit

Allison - That would explain why I couldn’t find anything on Leonard earlier

Diego - When did you do that?

Allison - Few days ago

Klaus - when V started seeing him?

Allison - Yeah

Ben - thats kind of creepy Allison

Allison - Focus you idiots

Diego - I can ask my police friends about info on Harold and Leonard

Diego - See what they’ve got

Five - I’m going with you

Allison - Klaus and Ben, keep an eye on Luther till I get there

Ben - got it

Klaus - do i have to?

Allison - Yes

Ben - yes

Klaus - fine

Diego - Shit

Five - What now?

Diego - Come check out the attic

Allison - Is that a body?

Ben - wtf is happening?

Diego - This Harold guy has a creepy anti-umbrella academy shrine thing in his attic

Allison - AND A BODY

Diego - And a body

Allison - Shit

Ben - what now?

Diego - 5 passed out

Klaus - ?

Allison - He got shot at some point and hadn’t gotten it treated

Diego - I’ll drop Allison and 5 off at the house then go to the police station

Klaus - can i come?

Diego - Can you act like a normal person?

Klaus - i’ll try

Diego - Fine

Klaus - yay!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!
> 
> Please let me know what you think so far.
> 
> If you have any questions about what happens in the next few chapters please ask!
> 
> If you'd like to help me out, please fill this out -> https://forms.gle/L7eAkrSKBcQqeBHG9 <- It would be much appreciated but please don't feel obligated to do so. Thank you!


	27. I Need Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Diego gets help from Eudora, and learns something very unnerving.

(Direct Message Diego Hargreeves -> Eudora Patch)

Diego - Hey

Diego - I need your help with something

Eudora - I’m trying to find your brother Diego, I just have no clue where he went

Diego - Oh he’s back

Diego - Sorry

Eudora - Diego!

Diego - I said sorry

Diego - Anyway can you get me some info in two guys?

Eudora - Names? And why?

Diego - Harold Jenkins and Leonard Peabody

Diego - Ones dating my sister right now

Eudora - Allison?

Diego - No other one

Diego - Vanya

Eudora - Oh yeah

Eudora - What about the other one?

Diego - I can’t tell you right now

Eudora - Well then I’m not giving it to you Diego

Diego - You won’t believe me

Eudora - After this week, try me

Diego - My brother that has been missing for over 15 years thinks the second one causes an apocalypse he was stuck in

Eudora - Which brother?

Diego - The Boy

Eudora - Why not?

Eudora - I’ll have both ready in 30 minutes

Diego - Thanks

Diego - You’re the best

Eudora - No problem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!
> 
> Please let me know what you think so far.
> 
> If you'd like to help me out, please fill this out -> https://forms.gle/L7eAkrSKBcQqeBHG9 <- It would be much appreciated but please don't feel obligated to do so. Thank you! And if you already have filled this out, thank you!


	28. Fucking Hell

Diego - Klaus was right

Five - Fuck

Klaus - really?

Diego - I had Patch get info on both Harold and Leonard

Diego - But Leonard doesn’t exist

Allison - Fuck

Diego - They’re the same person

Diego - And to make it even better

Ben - what could make this better Diego?

Diego - Harold killed his dad and went to prison when he was 13

Allison - Shit

Allison - And this is the guy with our sister who we have no way of contacting

Diego - Yep

Diego - There is another address

Diego - Some cabin in the woods belonging to his grandmother

Allison - I’m going

Allison - What is it?

Luther - Im stoll oin chihrhge oif thuis famioly

Five - Sure you are

Ben - i got him

Klaus - can i come Allie?

Allison - Sure

Five - I’m going

Diego - Me too

Ben - i wanna go

Ben - but what about Luther?

Allison - Mom and Pogo can watch him

Diego - He’s also an adult who can make his own decisions

Five - Facts

Allison - Let’s go already

Diego - We’re waiting on Klaus

Klaus - i’m coming just hold on a second


	29. I'm Sorry

Allison - Anyone else seeing this

Klaus - good

Klaus - im not the only one

Diego - What’s causing all of this?

Five - No idea

Ben - hopefully not Harold

Allison - Vanya

Allison - Fuck

Five - ?

Diego - Vanya doesn’t have powers Allison

Allison - Yes she does

Ben - what are you talking about

Allison - Dad made me rumor hew when we were four that she ‘thought she was just ordinary’

Klaus - how could you do that?

Ben - wth Allison?

Allison - I wish I could take it back

Allison - But I don’t know how

Five - Well try to figure it out

Five - Because Vanya might be the cause of the apocalypse

Diego - wtf Five

Ben - how could you say that?

Klaus - actually makes sense

Allison - Can we deal with this after we get our sister away from the murderer?

Ben - right

Diego - fuck

Klaus - Luther

Ben - Luther

Five - LUTHER

Luther - What?

Luther - Where’d you guys go?

Diego - Allison is hurt really bad

Luther - WHAT?

Luther - What happened?

Luther - Who did it?

Luther - Is she okay?

Ben - focus you idiot

Ben - we need you to have Mom get ready for Five and Allison to jump back to the house

Luther - Ok

Luther - Mom is getting ready now

Luther - What about the rest of you guys?

Klaus - Diego is driving us four back

Luther - Four?

Ben - Diego, Klaus, me, and Vanya

Luther - Oh ok


	30. Where Did You Go?

Five - Where’s Vanya?

Diego - Isn’t she here?

Five - If she was here I wouldn’t be asking

Klaus - idk 

Ben - she left

Five - When?

Ben - like 10 minutes ago

Ben - Harold came and got her

Ben - and I couldn’t find my phone

Ben - and Klaus was a bit preoccupied

Diego - Fuck

Klaus - I was?

Ben - yeah

Ben - w/ Dave

Klaus - oh

Klaus - oops

Diego - Dave?

Five - Where did they go?

Ben - idk

Diego - Probably back to his house

Diego - He doesn’t know that we know where he lives

Klaus - shit

Klaus - you right

Ben - let’s go

Luther - What about Allison?

Ben - you stay with her Luther

Ben - the rest of us will go get our other sister

Five - V just texted me

Five - Shit

Five - We’ve got to go

Five - Now

Ben - why?

Klaus - what happened?

Diego - What’s wrong 5?

Five - You’ll see when we get there


	31. What The Fuck Luther? Part II

Five - I’m going to get some coffee and check a newspaper

Five - Someone stay with V

Five - Don’t let her leave again

Klaus - um five

Five - What?

Ben - we can’t find her

Five - Again?

Diego - We’ve looked everywhere

Diego - And no doors to leave the house have been opened since you left

Luther - I know where Vanya is

Ben - ?

Five - Okay you’ve got this covered

Five - Don’t bother me again

Klaus - where is she Luther?

Luther - I’ll show you

Klaus - thats not creepy

Diego - Did anyone else know we had a secret basement?

Luther - Pogo told me about it

Klaus - WHAT THE FUCK LUTHER?

Luther - Its what had to be done

Ben - YOU PUT OUR SISTER IN A CAGE

Allison - ?

Ben - ALLISON! LUTHER PUT VANYA IN SOME CAGE IN A SECRET BASEMENT AND NOW HE WON’T LET HER OUT

Ben - EVEN THOUGH DIEGO, KLAUS, AND ME ARE ALL TELLING HIM TO

Luther - It’s for the safety of the world

Luther - Five said Vanya might be the cause of the apocalypse

Luther - This is just a precaution

Diego - FUCK YOU LUTHER

Five - What the hell is going on?

Luther - Vanya has powers

Five - We all know that already

Luther - What?

Ben - FIVE! LUTHER PUT VANYA IN SOME CAGE IN A SECRET BASEMENT AND NOW HE WON’T LET HER OUT

Five - What the hell Luther?

Ben - EVEN THOUGH DIEGO, KLAUS, ME, AND ALLISON ARE ALL TELLING HIM TO

Five - What the fuck Luther?

Luther - Dad knew this was going to happen

Luther - Why else would he have built a room for her?

Klaus - THIS IS SO MUCH WORSE LUTHER

Klaus - WHY WOULD YOU PUT OUR SCARED SISTER INTO A CAGE THAT OUR FATHER LOCKED HER AWAY IN WHEN WE WERE FOUR?

Allison - Let her go Luther

Luther - She hurt you Allison

Allison - Let her go

Luther - This isn’t up for discussion

Ben - Five where are you?

Five - I’m coming don’t worry

Klaus - shit

Ben - what is that?

Allison - Vanya

Five - What’s happening?

Klaus - Vanya broke out

Ben - she’s tearing down the academy

Luther - She killed Pogo

Diego - She killed Mom

Five - Fuck

Five - Where’s she now?

Klaus - no clue

Allison - Concert?

Ben - ?

Allison - She has a concert tonight

Diego - Right

Luther - Everyone regroup at Super Star

Klaus - where?

Luther - The bowling alley


	32. The Apocalypse Suite

Luther - Everyone know the plan?

Allison - Yes

Diego - Yeah

Klaus - wheres five?

Ben - we can’t worry about him right now

Luther - Klaus and Ben are you ready?

Ben - yes

Klaus - sure

Allison - Godamnit you two

Klaus - well that went well

Ben - you idiots just pissed her off more

Five - I’m here

Luther - Where’d you go?

Five - Irrelevant

Five - What’s going on?

Klaus - theres a lot of people coming in with guns

Klaus - AND CHA-CHA

Luther - New plan

Allison - Really?

Diego - What is it monkey boy?

Luther - Diego and I go for her from the wings, Klaus and Five go from the front of the stage

Ben - what about me and Allison?

Luther - Nothing right now

Ben - how’d that go for ya monkey boy?

Ben - Allison don’t

Ben - oh thank god

Ben - what do we do now?

Klaus - um guys

Diego - What?

Klaus - the moon

Luther - I knew it

Diego - Shut up Luther

Five - We go back in time

Allison - Can we do that?

Five - Well I can

Five - And I’ll bring you guys with me

Klaus - aw

Five - Shut up

Five - Hold on tight

Five - And whatever you do

Five - DO NOT LET GO

Ben - what happens if we do?

Five - Your consciousness will be lost somewhere in the space-time continuum

Klaus - sounds fun

Klaus - lets not do that

Five - Lets go


End file.
